Getting the Girl
by Lilith4
Summary: Ron has a crush on a Hufflepuff girl; Hermione decides to help Ron in getting the girl's attention. Now Ron isn't sure which girl he wants...


Ron Weasley was, to put it mildly, in a pickle.

'So,' Hermione said, a bit icily, 'that's the girl, right?' Ron nodded, too flushed to speak. 'She's very pretty,' Hermione said, surveying the girl critically.

Harry groaned under his breath. Ron had accidentally let it slip that he had his eye on a Hufflepuff girl at breakfast, and Hermione had therefore slipped straight into the role of jealous girlfriend. The only problem with that, Harry reflected, was that she wasn't Ron's girlfriend.

'Well, I can't see anything wrong with her looks,' Hermione said coldly, 'except that her eyes are too far apart. But, you never know what she's like until you talk to her. Oh...' she smiled patronisingly, 'didn't you say something about "the best looking girl that will have you"? At the Yule Ball?'

'How does she remember things like that?' Ron mumbled to himself, his face so flushed that his hair looked pale by comparison.

'Well,' Hermione said bossily, 'I suppose you know she's in Herbology with us, so I'll see what I can do.'

'What do you mean?' Ron asked, sitting up, looking panicked.

'I'll see if I can't get you near her. You can start talking to her. It's fairly simple, Ron,' Hermione replied. Ron shook his head.

'No, Hermione, I don't want-'

'Don't be silly, Ron.' She smiled in a very frightening manner. 'I'm your friend, I'll help you.' Hermione, inside her head, was groaning. She knew very well by now that of all the boys in Hogwarts, Ron was the one she wanted. She also knew that he was one who would never want her. 'You'll be happy, and I'll be happy for you.'

Harry groaned aloud. He knew about Hermione's feelings- well, he assumed, and that was almost as good, he thought. He couldn't figure why she would 'help' Ron try to win another girl's affections, but girls were mostly mad, in his opinion.

'Let's go,' he said, getting up. 'It's almost time for Herbology.'

'How do you think he's doing?' Hermione asked Harry. They were observing Ron and the Hufflepuff girl from across the greenhouse. Harry and Hermione had paired up to do their work, and Hermione had all but shoved Ron into the Hufflepuff girl's path.

'Well, she's laughing,' Harry replied, 'and it doesn't look like she's laughing at him...'

'Good,' Hermione said briskly, and turned to her Puffletrog, a small, squat plant that looked like a cross between a toad and a frog. It had leaves with yellow pustules on them, and their job for today was to freeze the pustules and break them off the leaf, putting them into a bucket. Harry watched Ron for a moment, and then began freezing the small pustules. It was tedious work, and Harry began to grow careless.

'Watch it!' Hermione warned him as his freezing charm missed and hit the sleeve of her robes. Harry grinned sheepishly and quickly defrosted her sleeve. 'Thank you,' she said primly, and continued freezing and breaking pustules with far more viciousness than was needed. Harry looked at her, and then asked casually,

'So... why are you helping Ron with his crush?' Hermione looked up sharply at him and replied curtly,

'Because he's my friend. I'd like him to be happy.'

'You think he'll really be happy with a girl like that?' Harry asked, disbelief in his voice.

'Well, he fancies her, doesn't he?'

'Yes, but... Hermione, I think we both know that Ron's not always... er... intelligent when it comes to... girls,' he finished. 'You remember the Fleur debacle.'

'Of course I remember Fleur,' Hermione said impatiently. 'The point is, Ron's going to be happy if he gets to know that girl. He'll be happy if she's nice and fancies him as well, and if he doesn't like her, then he doesn't have to be with her.'

'You sound awfully bitter,' Harry teased gently. 'Jealous?'

'_What_?'

'Nothing, I didn't say anything,' Harry said innocently. Hermione gave him a small glare and went back to her work.

'So now she knows who you are, and thinks you're funny,' Hermione said briskly. 'The next step, I suppose, would be to kiss her.'

'_Kiss _her?' Ron looked panicked. 'I don't want to kiss her!'

'Of course you do, Ron,' Hermione said, exasperated. 'That's what you do when you like someone. Now, have you ever kissed anyone before?'

'No,' Ron mumbled, sinking low into the armchair he was sitting in and mentally giving up.

'Well, you're going to need some instructions. There's nothing romantic about being snogged by someone who doesn't know how to kiss.' Ron was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

'Have you ever kissed anyone?' he blurted out, his ears going red again. Hermione looked at him and answered frankly.

'Yes.'

'Who?' he asked quickly, sitting up. Why did that bother him?

'Well, Viktor kissed me a few times,' she said, enjoying the look on Ron's face. 'And before Viktor, a muggle boy kissed me.'

'So you're an expert now, are you?' Ron said grumpily, slinking back into his armchair. Hermione looked at him with her withering gaze.

'Of course not, Ron, but I know a bit more than you. And I also know how girls like to be kissed. Now, when you kiss her, you'll want to put your hands on her hips.' She looked at Ron. 'Are you listening?'

'Hands on hips,' he mumbled. 'Got it.'

'Now, she'll probably put her hands around your neck. You just want to lean in at first and kind of rest your lips on hers, with a little pressure.' Ron was turning redder by the second and was beginning to fidget. How could Hermione still sound like such a know-it-all when talking about something that didn't involve school at all?

'After that, you'll want to open your mouth a little bit and maybe just kiss her lower or upper lip. You have to move your head around a bit more for this. After that-'

'Look, Hermione,' Ron blurted, jumping up. 'I really don't want-'

'You don't want what, Ron? You don't want Miss Jenny anymore?' She raised an eyebrow. 'Even if it's not Miss Jenny you're going to kiss, you still need to know how to do it.'

'You're talking to me like you're a professor and there's going to be an exam on kissing! Couldn't you just-' Ron stopped, mortified. Had he really been going to suggest that she kiss _him_?

'You're right,' Hermione said slowly. 'I guess I'll have to show you.'

'_What_?' Ron gaped. 'Who are you going to kiss to show me? _Vicky_ isn't here-'

'I meant, Ron, that I will kiss _you_.' Hermione's brain was working overtime. _This isn't right,_ the more responsible part of her whispered. _He likes Miss Pretty Jenny, not you._ But the other, smaller, more reckless voice said _It's just one kiss. An instructional kiss. Where's the harm? You'll have one kiss with Ron, and then he can go kiss Miss Jenny. You'll both be happy._

Hermione, despite her better judgement, listened to the second voice.

'Alright, Ron,' Hermione said, sitting perched on the edge of the couch's arm, 'come here.' Ron looked at her.

'You're mad,' he said flatly. That stung.

'Fine,' she said, raising her eyebrows. 'When Miss Jenny dumps you for some bloke who can snog her properly you can talk to me.' Ron glared at her. Even if he had been about to suggest it (accidentally) moments before, he was still uncomfortable.

Hermione was actually almost breathless. She was suddenly aware of her body, of the space it took up, and the effects outside forces had on it. She was aware of every molecule of air between herself and Ron, and her heart began to beat faster. She struggled to appear calm.

'Fine,' Ron mumbled. Hermione felt the vibrations of his voice on her skin and shivered. Ron stood up awkwardly and approaced her.

'Now, you remember, you put your hands on her hips,' she began. Ron raised his hands hesitatly, but didn't move them towards her. Hermione slowly put her hands on his and giuded them to her hips. 'They don't move anywhere,' she said sternly, and Ron turned almost purple and muttered something along the lines of 'absolute lunacy'. 'Now she'll probably do this.' Hermione reached up and put her hands on the back of Ron's neck, and looked up into his face. She was still sitting perched on the edge of the table, her legs crossed and moved to one side. Ron stood directly in front of her, bending over her.

Ron could feel his heart starting to beat harder and told it to stop. His skin felt warm where Hermione's hands touched it, and there was a strange queasy feeling in his stomach.

Hermione looked very calm.

'Close your eyes,' she said quietly, disguising the tremor in her voice. Ron did as he was told, the colour now draining from his face. 'Lean in,' she whispered...

And he did. Ron pressed his lips against hers, and Hermione closed her eyes. Her mouth opened slightly, and their kiss deepened. As it went on, Ron began to get a feel of what he was supposed to do. He nibbled on her lower lip slightly, and his hands closed around the cloth of her skirt. He began to pull her closer.

Hermione was holding her breath. Her hands began to work their way up Ron's neck, into the short, spiky bits of hair that was on the lower part of his head and the upper part of his neck. Ron shivered and pulled her even closer, this time moving his arms around her waist. Hermione began to tilt her head back farther, to make the kiss easier on his back, and before she knew what had happened, they had fallen backwards off the arm of the sofa onto the sofa itself.

Hermione and Ron, both at the exact same second, panicked. Their eyes shot open and the kiss ended suddenly, and they found themselves staring the other straight in the eye. For at least several second, neither of them were able to move.

Hermione found her wits first. She rolled off the couch, pulling her arm out from under Ron's side as he let go of her waist. Hermione was now standing, her hair mussed and her clothes wrinkled, looking down at Ron. Her eyes were wide, her face was flushed, and her lips were slightly swollen. Ron sat up very quickly on the couch and stood up. Hermione flinched as his face came near hers, and took a step backwards.

Ron couldn't think straight. _What on earth just happened?_

'That's... very good, Ron,' Hermione managed in a strangled voice. 'I don't think you need any more... demonstrations.' Ron sat back down, then stood up.

'Right,' he said, his face white. They stared at each other for a few moments before Hermione looked away and bent down to pick up her bag.

'I'd better get to the library,' she said, smoothing out her clothes as she shoved books into her bag. 'And you can go find Miss Jenny,' she finished lamely, standing up. Ron stared at her and didn't answer. 'Er, bye,' Hermione said, and practically ran out of the room. Ron flopped back down on the couch and stared at the fire. He could still feel the flutter of her eyelashes on his cheek- stop that.

It was at this moment that Ron realised he did not want to kiss Jennifer at all. If anything, he wanted...

'No,' he said aloud. 'Ohohoho, no. Nope.' Ron got up and began to pace, flexing his hands, still feeling the rough material of Hermione's skirt on his palms. 'That's not possible,' he said again, almost helplessly.

'What's not possible?' Ron turned around so fast he almost fell down.

'Harry...' Ron sank into a sitting position on the floor. He looked up at Harry with eyes so wide it looked as though he was in shock. 'Harry, I think I'm in love with Hermione.' Harry looked startled, then uncomfortable. Ron immediately cursed himself for saying that out loud, because it was exactly what he had been trying _not_ to say.

'Er,' Harry replied. Ron began turning red.

'I don't know why I said that,' he mumbled, looking down at the floor. He then looked up hopefully. 'Ah, gotcha?' he almost asked, trying to play his statement off as a joke. Harry wasn't buying it.

'So, um... when did you figure that out?' Harry asked, fidgeting with his hands. Ron was back in shock.

'When she made me kiss her.' Harry now looked startled. 'No, er, she was giving me... lessons,' he muttered. Harry's eyebrow raised.

'Lessons,' he said flatly, unbelieving.

'Yeah, well,' Ron said, turning redder. 'You know how she's been trying to set me up with Jennifer? She thought I might need, ah... kissing lessons.' Ron said this last part very quickly, not looking at Harry.

'Ron, ah, you know that Hermione... well, she fancies you, right?' Ron looked back up at Harry, the blush fading from his cheeks.

'But she's been trying to help me get Jennifer,' Ron replied, now confused. Harry shrugged.

'Girls are wonky,' he replied. 'D'you want me to ask Ginny?'

'NO.' Ron stood up. 'Harry, er, you cannot mention this to... Well. Anyone.' Harry nodded and then said slyly,

'Not even Hermione? You know she likes you too-'

'No,' Ron groaned, 'you can't say anything to Hermione.'

'Alright,' Harry said, holding his hands up to show his noninvolvement. 'I won't say anything.'

Ron groaned again and flopped down on the couch. Suddenly, everything seemed far too complicated.

**A/N:** To be continued, if you'd like...

I stole the kissing lesson bit from "Some Kind of Wonderful", a nice 80's John Hughes (I think) movie.

Nothing belongs to me.


End file.
